Today was a hard day... I wasn't expecting it to be as hard as it actually was, and that kind of caught me off guard.
It started with no sleep... yup I'm not sleeping much again. I'm still taking the meds prescribed to me but they are seeming ineffectual. I know they are working to some extent but overall I'm still one mad itch!
At 5:30 am Polar Bear had an MRI for his back. It was a scheduled appointment and we decided instead of paying the 6 bucks to park I would drop him off and pick him up for the appointment. So this meant that when I was finally hitting the point of pure exhaustion I ended up staying up 'cause it was already 4 am. Came home from dropping him off to lay awake in bed for 45min and just get up and pick him back up.
This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a fun filled day at the hospital scheduled. So I got home from picking up Polar Bear and slept for maybe 2 to 3 hours... and it wasn't much of a sleep between the itching and the frustration in general. Got up and went to an ultrasound. Where supposedly I was to do a bunch of other things added onto the ultrasound sheet I had but the hospital didn't have it, and I'm over tired and getting frustrated by the snappy lady behind the counter. So we say screw it and just do the ultrasound I originally had planned figure the doctor will probably set me up for another one sometime in the next week.
So now I'm over tired and cranky. And every time I go to these things I have to re-explain what happened with Cole... I don't know why it's not on my file. It is frustrating and makes me re-live things.....
Tired... Cranky... Itchy... now sad.
We then had a quick lunch and visit with my mother in law, and then ... yup.... back to the hospital for our pre-admin registration stuff. So now I get to explain to 3 other people... one right after the other... No this is not my first pregnancy. Yes we delivered here. And then proceed to re-explain everything that happened to us in January and February last year. It is frustrating... I know they need to know but you explain it to the public health nurse and they give you a stupid 10 question thing to see if you're "suffering from pre-natal depression". OF COURSE I'M DEPRESSED!!! I'm Sad.... I'm Scared... I'm Over TIRED... I'm ITCHY and the chairs suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I mention that they always seem to keep this look of either over concern or blankness when you are talking about it... and then they say... Well no complications so far in this one!!! WTF!!! I have CHOLESTASIS OF PREGNANCY!!! Is that not a freekin' COMPLICATION!!!!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAAHHH!
So I came home after all this and slept for about and hour maybe and hour and a half... then vegged and probably slept maybe and hour more over the evening. Now it's 1:30 am.... my husband and dog are asleep... I've just taken my prescription to help at night (which hasn't been for the past few days) and will attempt to sleep at some point. In order to wake up tomorrow for 9am so I can call my doctor and find out if there is anything else I can take... and will probably have to go in and get MORE blood work done to see if my levels have risen in the past week.... YAY!
Why can't I have a normal fucking pregnancy!! Why does this always have to be so hard... and if I have to get another freeking prescription I don't even have 6 bucks in my account.... GAH!! ARGH!! and any other noise of total frustration.
I will let you know how tomorrow goes. Hopefully better than today. Maybe if I can sleep I will be in a better mood for tomorrow... Here's hoping!
Feb 23, 2011
Feb 20, 2011
Hmmm...
What we have learned tonight....
Go to sleep when medication kicks in and you are not itching like mad and you are getting tired.
DO NOT stay up to talk to husband then finally try to sleep after 3 to 4 hours of meds in system... they will soon no longer be working.
Now that 6 hours have passed since taking meds... I can now take a different med that won't knock me out but may alleviate the itching... Stupid me!!!
YAY for crappy sleep!!
Go to sleep when medication kicks in and you are not itching like mad and you are getting tired.
DO NOT stay up to talk to husband then finally try to sleep after 3 to 4 hours of meds in system... they will soon no longer be working.
Now that 6 hours have passed since taking meds... I can now take a different med that won't knock me out but may alleviate the itching... Stupid me!!!
YAY for crappy sleep!!
Feb 19, 2011
Official Diagnosis....
So it's official... I have Cholestasis of Pregnancy...
Oky I know it's just a term and you probably have no idea what it means. Well you could do like I did and read up on it on the internet... make sure you read a few sites if you do. Diagnosis and method of treatment have changed, as well as medications, quite a bit within 10 years. So I'm just to believe my doctor and trust him with this whole thing. In lame man's terms it's a liver issue where there is too much bile flowing into your blood stream... sounds weird I know.... what that means? Well I'm itchy from head to toe and will have to do a barrage of tests and appointments until delivery.
What my doctor said is that at the moment I have a very mild case of it. So we just need to keep a close eye on it. We will be having ultrasounds every week or 2, stress tests for baby almost every week or more if I'm nervous, and blood work every week.... WOOT... this is on top of my weekly appointment with the doctor. Also it means that I will definitely be induced by 38 weeks.... (I am 31W3D today so in apx 6 weeks at max). If for any reason they get concerned about any of the tests, or my levels go up, or anything of worry, then the doctor will induce earlier. Inductions are usually done between 35 and 38 weeks no matter what. This is due to the increase of still birth and fetal distress later in pregnancy. So we will be closely monitored for the next 6 or so weeks and hopefully this will mean we will have a happy result in the end.
How do I feel about this???? Stressed, frustrated, sad and upset... as well as relieved to have a diagnosis, and glad that the doctor's are taking this seriously.
Well just wanted to let you know the results... I'll keep you updated as the tests start. :)
Oky I know it's just a term and you probably have no idea what it means. Well you could do like I did and read up on it on the internet... make sure you read a few sites if you do. Diagnosis and method of treatment have changed, as well as medications, quite a bit within 10 years. So I'm just to believe my doctor and trust him with this whole thing. In lame man's terms it's a liver issue where there is too much bile flowing into your blood stream... sounds weird I know.... what that means? Well I'm itchy from head to toe and will have to do a barrage of tests and appointments until delivery.
What my doctor said is that at the moment I have a very mild case of it. So we just need to keep a close eye on it. We will be having ultrasounds every week or 2, stress tests for baby almost every week or more if I'm nervous, and blood work every week.... WOOT... this is on top of my weekly appointment with the doctor. Also it means that I will definitely be induced by 38 weeks.... (I am 31W3D today so in apx 6 weeks at max). If for any reason they get concerned about any of the tests, or my levels go up, or anything of worry, then the doctor will induce earlier. Inductions are usually done between 35 and 38 weeks no matter what. This is due to the increase of still birth and fetal distress later in pregnancy. So we will be closely monitored for the next 6 or so weeks and hopefully this will mean we will have a happy result in the end.
How do I feel about this???? Stressed, frustrated, sad and upset... as well as relieved to have a diagnosis, and glad that the doctor's are taking this seriously.
Well just wanted to let you know the results... I'll keep you updated as the tests start. :)
Feb 17, 2011
Why?
Why can't things ever go easy?
Why can't we just have a year or two of good positive things in our lives?
Why is money always so important?
GAH!
I feel useless... I know it's stupid of me to say this, but I do. I sit at home all day either watching movies or playing on the internet. Yes I try and do some housework but I really try hard not to wear myself out, which happens quite often. We are really really tight on money, nervous about awaited doctor results and scared about the next few months and what it will bring us.
My husband's depressed cause he's never been this broke. I have but I don't like it. We know that in time it will be fine, we just need to get into the season where his job picks up. It's just so frustrating to be broke, and know that the baby can come at any time in the next 2 months and then worry about having everything we need. Being we aren't planning on getting anything till the baby's here, we're nervous about having enough money to actually buy the stuff we need when we need it.
I hate waiting, I am not a patient person.
I know this self pity is not helpful and I'll shake it in time. It might just be the day... 1 year ago today we knew things were going bad... 1 year ago tomorrow we were able to move Cole, hold Cole and introduce him to the family... 1 year ago Saturday we lost him, we cried and drank and cried some more. We were numb.
I think I have seasonal issues and now I'm here, with no job and no money. No way to help in any way. Pregnant and going through a barrage of tests to see if something's wrong with me. And if it is then I know I'll hit a guilt cycle that it was my fault that we lost Cole. That if we would have got testing earlier for the itchiness that time we would have realized something...
I know I shouldn't do this. Shouldn't think about the things that may have been different. But I can't help it! I'm sad, nervous and scared.
2 Months to full term, here's hoping!
Why can't we just have a year or two of good positive things in our lives?
Why is money always so important?
GAH!
I feel useless... I know it's stupid of me to say this, but I do. I sit at home all day either watching movies or playing on the internet. Yes I try and do some housework but I really try hard not to wear myself out, which happens quite often. We are really really tight on money, nervous about awaited doctor results and scared about the next few months and what it will bring us.
My husband's depressed cause he's never been this broke. I have but I don't like it. We know that in time it will be fine, we just need to get into the season where his job picks up. It's just so frustrating to be broke, and know that the baby can come at any time in the next 2 months and then worry about having everything we need. Being we aren't planning on getting anything till the baby's here, we're nervous about having enough money to actually buy the stuff we need when we need it.
I hate waiting, I am not a patient person.
I know this self pity is not helpful and I'll shake it in time. It might just be the day... 1 year ago today we knew things were going bad... 1 year ago tomorrow we were able to move Cole, hold Cole and introduce him to the family... 1 year ago Saturday we lost him, we cried and drank and cried some more. We were numb.
I think I have seasonal issues and now I'm here, with no job and no money. No way to help in any way. Pregnant and going through a barrage of tests to see if something's wrong with me. And if it is then I know I'll hit a guilt cycle that it was my fault that we lost Cole. That if we would have got testing earlier for the itchiness that time we would have realized something...
I know I shouldn't do this. Shouldn't think about the things that may have been different. But I can't help it! I'm sad, nervous and scared.
2 Months to full term, here's hoping!
Feb 16, 2011
31 Weeks... Meds... and Sleep
So we are now 31 weeks today. WOOHOO!! One more week and we've reached our first goal of 32 weeks which is 8 months which is when the doctor said it's safe... !!!!! WOOT!
Now the itching hasn't gone away... pooy! Got some of the blood work back on Monday and the doctor said that some of the liver tests were a little high, but he's not quite sure what to do about it yet. So I still won't get the one test back till tomorrow or Friday (I'm expecting Friday) and being they were a little high he asked me to go get more blood work done today (Wed) to see where the numbers are going. So they usually have the no news is good news concept, so I'm hoping that everything will get better but if there's anything I should hear back from most of it by Friday. I've been given Benadryl to take during the day to alleviate the itching, it hasn't stopped completely, just took a bit of the edge off, but night time was bad so when I talked to the Doctor again on Monday he's now prescribed Apo-Hydroxyzine, which is an anti-histamine that will make me sleepy. I'm only to take one at night before I go to bed to help with the itching and let me sleep more than the 2 hours I was sleeping. So far it's worked ok, Monday I slept from 11ish till 4am (got up to pee :P ) then went back to bed till almost 10am... so I consider that a success. Last night I took it around 9 and slept till 2, and got up a few times to pee, baby was kicking in a weird spot so I had more problems sleeping. Got up at 5am to take Polar Bear to Fergus for work and went and got blood work done, and went back to bed around 8am till noon-ish (of course waking up a few times to pee and such. So I think it's working mostly. I'm still itchy and my skin feels irritated but it's not driving me crazy at the moment and I thank the meds for that.
So now we wait till Friday and see if there's anything new in the blood work. I'll keep you posted!
Now the itching hasn't gone away... pooy! Got some of the blood work back on Monday and the doctor said that some of the liver tests were a little high, but he's not quite sure what to do about it yet. So I still won't get the one test back till tomorrow or Friday (I'm expecting Friday) and being they were a little high he asked me to go get more blood work done today (Wed) to see where the numbers are going. So they usually have the no news is good news concept, so I'm hoping that everything will get better but if there's anything I should hear back from most of it by Friday. I've been given Benadryl to take during the day to alleviate the itching, it hasn't stopped completely, just took a bit of the edge off, but night time was bad so when I talked to the Doctor again on Monday he's now prescribed Apo-Hydroxyzine, which is an anti-histamine that will make me sleepy. I'm only to take one at night before I go to bed to help with the itching and let me sleep more than the 2 hours I was sleeping. So far it's worked ok, Monday I slept from 11ish till 4am (got up to pee :P ) then went back to bed till almost 10am... so I consider that a success. Last night I took it around 9 and slept till 2, and got up a few times to pee, baby was kicking in a weird spot so I had more problems sleeping. Got up at 5am to take Polar Bear to Fergus for work and went and got blood work done, and went back to bed around 8am till noon-ish (of course waking up a few times to pee and such. So I think it's working mostly. I'm still itchy and my skin feels irritated but it's not driving me crazy at the moment and I thank the meds for that.
So now we wait till Friday and see if there's anything new in the blood work. I'll keep you posted!
Feb 13, 2011
ITCHING!!!
GAH!
So we went to doctors on Friday and talked about the INCESSANT ITCHING that I've started to have again. He sent us for blood work (which will take up to a week to get results back from) and gave me Benadryl to try. It's either something minor, which is pretty much me being allergic to myself, or a little more serious to do with liver things. Well I've been taking the Benadryl... yesterday and today... and it hasn't really helped. It kinda takes the edge off the itching during the day but at night I'm either not sleeping or waking myself up scratching my legs/feet/back/hand/everything cause I've made myself raw.
This is not cool! This is not fun!! This is FRUSTRATING BEYOND BELIEF!! It's funny that I just saw him yesterday and it feel like so long ago. I will be calling him on Monday to see if there's anything else I can take, he told me to call if it was getting worst, so that's what I'm going to do. I'll call Monday and see if there's something else I can take or if I need to come in and get another prescription. (which kinda sucks 'cause I know it'll probably cost a bit!)
So at the moment all I'll say is GAH!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!OSOIEURIEUROI#J$#(&$*(&T(W&!!!! (if you know what I mean) Hopefully when I write next I'll still have my legs and feet attached to my body and not removed by me SCRATCHING THEM OFF!!!!
I'll keep you posted!!
So we went to doctors on Friday and talked about the INCESSANT ITCHING that I've started to have again. He sent us for blood work (which will take up to a week to get results back from) and gave me Benadryl to try. It's either something minor, which is pretty much me being allergic to myself, or a little more serious to do with liver things. Well I've been taking the Benadryl... yesterday and today... and it hasn't really helped. It kinda takes the edge off the itching during the day but at night I'm either not sleeping or waking myself up scratching my legs/feet/back/hand/everything cause I've made myself raw.
This is not cool! This is not fun!! This is FRUSTRATING BEYOND BELIEF!! It's funny that I just saw him yesterday and it feel like so long ago. I will be calling him on Monday to see if there's anything else I can take, he told me to call if it was getting worst, so that's what I'm going to do. I'll call Monday and see if there's something else I can take or if I need to come in and get another prescription. (which kinda sucks 'cause I know it'll probably cost a bit!)
So at the moment all I'll say is GAH!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!OSOIEURIEUROI#J$#(&$*(&T(W&!!!! (if you know what I mean) Hopefully when I write next I'll still have my legs and feet attached to my body and not removed by me SCRATCHING THEM OFF!!!!
I'll keep you posted!!
Feb 11, 2011
Kicking
So the baby's kicking quite a bit lately, which is very good, but she seems to be kicking straight down a lot, which doesn't worry me but makes me feel like she's kicking private parts that should never be kicked.
We have made it to 30w2d... WOOT! Now we just need to make it 2 more weeks, and we'll be at 32weeks and I'll feel a little better I think. I've had a rough week this week... it started with a sinus cold last weekend. And as you all know, you can not take ANYTHING for that when pregnant. Then the sinus cold moved down and became a full out chest cold by Monday/Tuesday. Being I've been having a heck of a time sleeping through the night, a chest cold definitely DOES NOT HELP with the sleeping and trying to feel better. On top of all this I've managed to have No Itching the whole pregnancy but this week, in 3 days, I managed to go from minor itching to full body itch, feet and all. This truely makes me nervous. I had full body itching with Cole, and my feet are driving me NUTS!!! At least tomorrow we have our doctors appointment. I've decided not to eat before going to the appointment (just drinking water) so that if they want me to go get blood work that I require to fast for I can. With Cole I had an appointment with the doctors Friday... was given a requisition for blood work... and went into labour Saturday before I could even go in, being I had to fast for the blood work. So no food for the pregnant woman till noon tomorrow. This would normally sound terrible, but being I'm so preoccupied with the itching, and the mostly gone chest cold, and the over tiredness, I feel that this should be okay. I almost failed already at the no eating when I first got up at 5am, but I remembered and just got water. I wasn't hungry, just tired and cranky so sometimes food makes me feel better.
I'll keep you posted on what the doctor says. I'm getting really nervous about this whole last 2 months and there's not much I can do about it. Hopefully he can do something about this incessant itching... hopefully it's nothing serious.... hopefully it's just annoying as hell. But I'm nervous, and scared, and not sure what to do about any of it....
We have made it to 30w2d... WOOT! Now we just need to make it 2 more weeks, and we'll be at 32weeks and I'll feel a little better I think. I've had a rough week this week... it started with a sinus cold last weekend. And as you all know, you can not take ANYTHING for that when pregnant. Then the sinus cold moved down and became a full out chest cold by Monday/Tuesday. Being I've been having a heck of a time sleeping through the night, a chest cold definitely DOES NOT HELP with the sleeping and trying to feel better. On top of all this I've managed to have No Itching the whole pregnancy but this week, in 3 days, I managed to go from minor itching to full body itch, feet and all. This truely makes me nervous. I had full body itching with Cole, and my feet are driving me NUTS!!! At least tomorrow we have our doctors appointment. I've decided not to eat before going to the appointment (just drinking water) so that if they want me to go get blood work that I require to fast for I can. With Cole I had an appointment with the doctors Friday... was given a requisition for blood work... and went into labour Saturday before I could even go in, being I had to fast for the blood work. So no food for the pregnant woman till noon tomorrow. This would normally sound terrible, but being I'm so preoccupied with the itching, and the mostly gone chest cold, and the over tiredness, I feel that this should be okay. I almost failed already at the no eating when I first got up at 5am, but I remembered and just got water. I wasn't hungry, just tired and cranky so sometimes food makes me feel better.
I'll keep you posted on what the doctor says. I'm getting really nervous about this whole last 2 months and there's not much I can do about it. Hopefully he can do something about this incessant itching... hopefully it's nothing serious.... hopefully it's just annoying as hell. But I'm nervous, and scared, and not sure what to do about any of it....
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