Kicking

So the baby's kicking quite a bit lately, which is very good, but she seems to be kicking straight down a lot, which doesn't worry me but makes me feel like she's kicking private parts that should never be kicked.

We have made it to 30w2d... WOOT! Now we just need to make it 2 more weeks, and we'll be at 32weeks and I'll feel a little better I think. I've had a rough week this week... it started with a sinus cold last weekend. And as you all know, you can not take ANYTHING for that when pregnant. Then the sinus cold moved down and became a full out chest cold by Monday/Tuesday. Being I've been having a heck of a time sleeping through the night, a chest cold definitely DOES NOT HELP with the sleeping and trying to feel better. On top of all this I've managed to have No Itching the whole pregnancy but this week, in 3 days, I managed to go from minor itching to full body itch, feet and all. This truely makes me nervous. I had full body itching with Cole, and my feet are driving me NUTS!!! At least tomorrow we have our doctors appointment. I've decided not to eat before going to the appointment (just drinking water) so that if they want me to go get blood work that I require to fast for I can. With Cole I had an appointment with the doctors Friday... was given a requisition for blood work... and went into labour Saturday before I could even go in, being I had to fast for the blood work. So no food for the pregnant woman till noon tomorrow. This would normally sound terrible, but being I'm so preoccupied with the itching, and the mostly gone chest cold, and the over tiredness, I feel that this should be okay. I almost failed already at the no eating when I first got up at 5am, but I remembered and just got water. I wasn't hungry, just tired and cranky so sometimes food makes me feel better.

I'll keep you posted on what the doctor says. I'm getting really nervous about this whole last 2 months and there's not much I can do about it. Hopefully he can do something about this incessant itching... hopefully it's nothing serious.... hopefully it's just annoying as hell. But I'm nervous, and scared, and not sure what to do about any of it....

4am

Yup, it's 4 am and I am awake!

I don't want to be awake but no matter what I try it seems that I am unable to sleep through a night.

And what makes is worst?? I have a head cold and a husband who got over it in a day and I'm going on 3. So my husband and dog are sleeping peacefully in bed while I'm sitting up exhausted and wishing I could just sleep through one night.... GAH!

Do you ever remember reading Garfield comics and they had a series of them where he was singing on the fence and it was written more like a scream then a song. I feel like that. I want to climb on top of a fence and just go AAAARRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I think if would be cathartic!

But knowing me I would find a fence that was able to hold my 140 lbs (remember I'm 7mths pregnant), but being I'm pregnant and not high on the graceful scale at the moment, I would probably only make if about half way up the fence. At this point I would run out of breath, so I'd stop for a minute. Which would cause my foot to slip on the icy fence (remember... winter... Canada) and get hooked into the fence. At this point my glove would freeze and get stuck to the fence. My pulling at the glove would cause me to fall backwards resulting in the hooked foot to catch me in some fashion. I would then be hanging upside down by one foot with only one glove on feeling totally pathetic but unable to get up and unwilling to call for help. At this point my husband would find me, wondering where I have gone off to in the middle of the winter. He would pull me down, shake his head at me, and probably laugh hysterically. Which would cause me to feel worst, resulting in me (in my over emotional state) to start crying, causing little ice trails to freeze to my face.

Yeah.... so climbing a fence and screaming is out. I guess this is why you seldom see cats do it in the winter, must be more of a summer sport.

Sad day

I have received sad news today about my friend's sister-in-law. She had twins pre-term, at 24 weeks, lost the first one during birth and has now just lost the second one last night. They had to make the tough decision of stopping the ventilator being the baby had bleeding on his brain and would never function, he pretty much was severe enough that he'd be a vegetable for the rest of his life. It makes me so sad for this family. I remember the pain, and hurt, and sorrow I felt to have to make that decision. I also remember the difficulty we had in telling other people that we removed the ventilator. It was on doctor's insistence, but it doesn't mean you don't get people who think that if you left it in, that there would be some miraculous change and the baby would get better. Miracles like that don't happen, no matter how hard you wish for them, all you can do is decide on how long you will force the little body to remain when you know what is inevitable. All you can do is decide how selfish you will be, how long you want to hold and cherish the one that is leaving, and how long you will force them to stay. Beau and I decided pretty quickly when we were told our options, there was no hesitating, all we wanted was the chance to hold him for a little bit longer to say our goodbyes and to be able to hold him after they removed it so we could be there when he passed. Both of these decisions were supported by our doctor and nurses, and they made us feel like we did the best thing for him. The fact that there are so many families that have to make this decision breaks my heart. I know some do hold on for a day or two before accepting the inevitable, and I understand where they are coming from, every person deals with this decision differently. This is not an easy decision, but in some ways it was not a hard on either. It is a decision you wish to never make.

My heart and my love goes out to all those who have had to make this decision, and all those who have lost the ones they barely got to meet!