Sad day

I have received sad news today about my friend's sister-in-law. She had twins pre-term, at 24 weeks, lost the first one during birth and has now just lost the second one last night. They had to make the tough decision of stopping the ventilator being the baby had bleeding on his brain and would never function, he pretty much was severe enough that he'd be a vegetable for the rest of his life. It makes me so sad for this family. I remember the pain, and hurt, and sorrow I felt to have to make that decision. I also remember the difficulty we had in telling other people that we removed the ventilator. It was on doctor's insistence, but it doesn't mean you don't get people who think that if you left it in, that there would be some miraculous change and the baby would get better. Miracles like that don't happen, no matter how hard you wish for them, all you can do is decide on how long you will force the little body to remain when you know what is inevitable. All you can do is decide how selfish you will be, how long you want to hold and cherish the one that is leaving, and how long you will force them to stay. Beau and I decided pretty quickly when we were told our options, there was no hesitating, all we wanted was the chance to hold him for a little bit longer to say our goodbyes and to be able to hold him after they removed it so we could be there when he passed. Both of these decisions were supported by our doctor and nurses, and they made us feel like we did the best thing for him. The fact that there are so many families that have to make this decision breaks my heart. I know some do hold on for a day or two before accepting the inevitable, and I understand where they are coming from, every person deals with this decision differently. This is not an easy decision, but in some ways it was not a hard on either. It is a decision you wish to never make.

My heart and my love goes out to all those who have had to make this decision, and all those who have lost the ones they barely got to meet!