A hard day

Today was a hard day... I wasn't expecting it to be as hard as it actually was, and that kind of caught me off guard.

It started with no sleep... yup I'm not sleeping much again. I'm still taking the meds prescribed to me but they are seeming ineffectual. I know they are working to some extent but overall I'm still one mad itch!

At 5:30 am Polar Bear had an MRI for his back. It was a scheduled appointment and we decided instead of paying the 6 bucks to park I would drop him off and pick him up for the appointment. So this meant that when I was finally hitting the point of pure exhaustion I ended up staying up 'cause it was already 4 am. Came home from dropping him off to lay awake in bed for 45min and just get up and pick him back up.

This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a fun filled day at the hospital scheduled. So I got home from picking up Polar Bear and slept for maybe 2 to 3 hours... and it wasn't much of a sleep between the itching and the frustration in general. Got up and went to an ultrasound. Where supposedly I was to do a bunch of other things added onto the ultrasound sheet I had but the hospital didn't have it, and I'm over tired and getting frustrated by the snappy lady behind the counter. So we say screw it and just do the ultrasound I originally had planned figure the doctor will probably set me up for another one sometime in the next week.

So now I'm over tired and cranky. And every time I go to these things I have to re-explain what happened with Cole... I don't know why it's not on my file. It is frustrating and makes me re-live things.....

Tired... Cranky... Itchy... now sad.

We then had a quick lunch and visit with my mother in law, and then ... yup.... back to the hospital for our pre-admin registration stuff. So now I get to explain to 3 other people... one right after the other... No this is not my first pregnancy. Yes we delivered here. And then proceed to re-explain everything that happened to us in January and February last year. It is frustrating... I know they need to know but you explain it to the public health nurse and they give you a stupid 10 question thing to see if you're "suffering from pre-natal depression". OF COURSE I'M DEPRESSED!!! I'm Sad.... I'm Scared... I'm Over TIRED... I'm ITCHY and the chairs suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I mention that they always seem to keep this look of either over concern or blankness when you are talking about it... and then they say... Well no complications so far in this one!!! WTF!!! I have CHOLESTASIS OF PREGNANCY!!! Is that not a freekin' COMPLICATION!!!!!!!!!!!! GAAAAAAHHH!

So I came home after all this and slept for about and hour maybe and hour and a half... then vegged and probably slept maybe and hour more over the evening. Now it's 1:30 am.... my husband and dog are asleep... I've just taken my prescription to help at night (which hasn't been for the past few days) and will attempt to sleep at some point. In order to wake up tomorrow for 9am so I can call my doctor and find out if there is anything else I can take... and will probably have to go in and get MORE blood work done to see if my levels have risen in the past week.... YAY!

Why can't I have a normal fucking pregnancy!! Why does this always have to be so hard... and if I have to get another freeking prescription I don't even have 6 bucks in my account.... GAH!! ARGH!! and any other noise of total frustration.

I will let you know how tomorrow goes. Hopefully better than today. Maybe if I can sleep I will be in a better mood for tomorrow... Here's hoping!