Just because someone is not crying doesn't mean they're not in pain.

Dec 17, 2010

I'm tired

I don't know why but today I'm tired and can tell I could easily become cranky without much effort. I had a crappy sleep last night, I slept but had weird dreams all night and that was that restful. I don't really know what's going on in my head so it doesn't help make me feel more restful.

My sick household is mostly healthy again. But I need to actually get motivated to change the sheets and everything in the house being the room still smells sicky. But I'm happy for a healthy husband and that I never caught what he had.

I feel drained. I'm sick of worrying about everything. It drives me nuts, I try really hard not to be a worrier but I seem to fail most of the time. I'm worried about money, I'm worried about bills, I'm worried about groceries, I'm worried about christmas, I'm worried about my husband (who doesn't do well when laid off) and of course I'm always worried about the baby. I know that I'm probably focusing on my other worries more so I can avoid the constant baby worry, but it's always there in the back of my head. I can't help but worry. I'm trying so hard to be hopeful and positive but it's just not that easy some days. You can't help but prepare yourself for the absolute worst and in some ways have a hard time believing that the worst won't happen. Maybe it's just personal experience that clouds everything, but it's hard to be positive when you haven't actually experienced the positive.

There are a TON of pregnant women around. It seems like everywhere I go there's at least one. And they're happy and excited and planning. I feel like I missed something. My family does these big things for baby showers and I feel like I'm missing it all cause I'm too nervous and easily upset. It's annoying.

I'll just keep going on the idea that at some point I'll be able to be excited and happy without worry. (I'll have a whole new set of worries) And maybe I'll be able to experience some of the other joys after the baby's here.

No comments:

Post a Comment