Money = Stress

Some days I hate money. I hate the fact that you always need more of it, and that just when you think you are getting ahead you realize just how far behind you actually are.

Polar Bear's laid off, I know this was expected, but it doesn't make it any easier. We are waiting for the papers then he'll fill out EI but I'm really not sure if his EI will cut it this year. We have had no money for the past year with everything that went on, have used up all our savings, all our resources and have borrowed from family and friends to the point that we refuse to borrow any more. I am hoping that the places that he has applied to, and continues to apply to, will actually be able to give him a job that may support us through the winter. We just need to make it to April/May, then he'll be back at work and everything should be fine. I'll say Will be fine instead... lets try this positive thinking thing my mom likes so much... will be fine!

Bills suck! Payments suck... we've been doing the rolling bill thing... where we choose which bill we have enough money for but make sure we put something on to everything so that they won't complain. Some bills are easy to keep up, others not so much.

I know that things will work out... we just need to get through Dec, and maybe Jan, then he'll have something. Even if it's only a little EI and working for family or something. It just sucks! I wish I could post-pone Christmas till July, by then we should be caught up, the baby will be here and everything should be good. In July, hopefully, we'll be able to pay everyone we owe money too back and be able to start putting away for savings.

I don't want to vent or state my concerns to Polar Bear, being he already knows them and has his own. I'm sure it'll work out.

I just hate not having money to do stuff, and I feel like I'm not contributing at all. I'm pregnant... so who wants to hire a pregnant woman? Also, we had agreed that I shouldn't work due to the loss of Cole and my ever increasing stress and paranoia. So that's all fine and dandy but I'm not used to not supporting myself. To trusting in someone else completely to support me.

Maybe all these issues are my own anxieties with Christmas and Baby being redirected to something else. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it! I know he will find something, that everything will be fine and that my worrying will be for nothing... here's hoping that that is true :)