Tomorrow is 18 weeks officially... OMFG... I know! How it seems to fly, and how I'm slowly becoming more and more paranoid as the time passes. I'm worried about everything. It's funny how after a loss you read up and find support in other people who have also experienced a loss. The problem is that now that you know all the other things that go wrong you start getting paranoid that about everything!! And I mean EVERYTHING.
I'm scared, nervous and hopeful. I try very hard to keep on the Hopeful point and not dwell on the scared and nervous points, but that doesn't always work. So many people have lost babies in so many ways. I've noticed, however, that the bulk are either through Miscarriage or Still Birth. It's harder to find people who have gone through a loss after the baby was born, and if they did usually it was due to something that the doctors saw right from the beginning... which doesn't make it easier, just means that in some ways they are more prepared. I have yet to find another person on the sites I've been on who has loss a baby at 28days, who spent a month in a NICU, who had the roller-coaster ride that we had. That we dread.
People tell us it'll be fine, just wait till the babies born and everything will be OK! But unlike others who have loss, our baby seemed fine, and was born OK... and we still loss him. So we have to wait till after the baby's born... till the baby's home... that's when I will be OK. At least in someways!
Please let this baby be born to term, or close to term... I don't want to spend a month or two in the hospital... I don't want to worry anymore... Why can't I have a happy pregnancy???
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