Another Monday

It's funny, I never used to have a real problem with Monday's but the past few weeks they've been a little rough. I don't know what changed, or what altered my feeling toward Monday's but it's been with out fail that I feel down and tired and sad on most Monday's. I know part of it is my husband has been going north to Barrie from Monday to Friday, so it's my worrying and my being a little upset by him leaving. I know he'd hate to hear that I'm upset and I understand why he goes, and come Tuesday or Wednesday I feel fine about it. But I'm just not fond of Monday.

So today I haven't done much. I thought I was doing good taking a shower. This evening I am going to a friends for dinner so that should be nice. Sometimes it just helps being around other people to get rid of the Monday Woes but sometimes they get better when I'm out and come right back when I get home.

I think I do it to myself. I got up this morning feeling mostly ok, then I checked my email and my facebook. Which were both fine. But I did it again, after saying I wouldn't, I went onto the NILMDTS forums and seen how the women I've been talking to are doing. And of course, as seems to happen apx once a month, there's a new mom on the site. This is always a sad thing being the mom's on the site have all lost a baby in someway. I still feel like I'm different, it helps to talk about the loss, but most of the women there have lost due to still birth. It's insane just how many people lose their babies. I know in the grand scheme of things the percentage is not insanely high, but still... 1% or greater can equal hundreds in a year. So after not reading but noticing these sad things on the site I decided to try and cheer myself up by looking at the pregnancy calendar to see where I am and what's growing on our little one. And I really shouldn't have done this. They always talk as if the worst things that could happen are pain during labour, and whether or not to breast feed, and of all things whether or not the baby's room will be ready. Well that just makes me sad, and angry, and frustrated. No the worst thing that could happen is that the room could be ready but the baby can't ever enjoy it. I'm jaded, I know this. I'm also frustrated and sad and trying really hard to be positive that this baby, who has been kicking up a storm, will come home. That everything with Cole was a fluke, or something. But... I go back to being happy about the baby, enjoying her moving, then scared, then sad about not having Cole here, then frustrated that I can't enjoy this pregnancy as much as I would like.

So I'll try to turn my day around. I'll try attacking it in a different light. I will be thankful that most women and families can have a carefree pregnancy, where all they worry about is their Winny the Pooh Wall paper, and I'll accept that that will never be me. That I'll always worry and I'll always be scared in some part of me about this whole pregnancy, and that I won't be at ease until this little one's home and healthy and safe.

Happy Monday, hopefully the rest of the week gets brighter.