2 weeks

So it's been almost 2 weeks since I've posted and I have to tell you I'm not doing so hot on the reboot front. I've been dealing a lot with a crazy screaming girl who does not like to settle down between 2 and 6, which puts a hamper in the getting things done category. I've been feeling insanely cluttered lately, in my house, in my stuff and everywhere I go. Part of that is due to baby and dog. It seems like I am unable to sit with the baby without having my sucky dog sitting on or against me too. Add an array of bottles, cups and diaper stuff and it gets to be a lot. I have tried to clean my room MANY times, I get it looking awesome and the next day it seems to explode all over again. My living room's pretty much the same, it becomes spotless and then seems to explode (and don't even get me started with the kitchen). I am starting to get frustrated with those living in my house. It seems like men are incapable of cleaning anything without a woman edging them on. My husband has been pretty good at trying to do the dishes, and between him and the wondrous thing called a dishwasher, that's been pretty successful. But it seems everything else is off limits. I have a room mate and unless his girlfriends around cleaning is not in his vocabulary. Also it seems like other than dishes and the general look men can't seem to clean further. My bathroom is disgusting and since I haven't been able to clean it very often do you think either of them would step up? No.

I think I'm just frustrated because I thought, with the baby here, that they would step up and help out a little more. I guess I should stop assuming that something like that may happen. Instead it's just me trying to do more work on the house, as well as deal with a baby and a dog and the mess that is my house... GAH! I just wish when I clean a room that it would stay clean. All well, I'm as much to blame about the mess as the next person. I just get tired of feeling like people are tisking about the mess when they are unwilling to help do anything about it. I feel like when there is anyone but my husband here they seem to look down at the state of things without realizing the stresses I've been dealing with.

Well I am trying to not use this blog as a bitch fest for my every issue. I seem to have been failing at that. In general everything is going fairly well. I'm home alone most of the time, and am feeling a little secluded by that. Part of it is realizing that my friends are doing stuff and getting together and not inviting me. It's seeming to happen more and more lately. At least this weekend we are hoping to have a barbeque with a bunch of friend :) YAY! I have even bought summery disposable plates :) WOOT! I just hope the weather holds up, they are calling for rain ONLY on the day of the bbq... what's with that! If it rains we are going to try and still have it, it just means I will have a VERY full house, lol. Aside from the seclusion we've been doing okay, Vi is now 9lbs7oz as of last weeks :) She is not so tiny anymore. She's been sleeping longer at night, but is fussing longer about sleeping. So once I finally  manage to get her to sleep she's been sleeping an average of 6hrs YAY!!! It's just taking me at least an hour each time to get her to sleep, and she is SO NOT sleeping in the afternoon, and is  screaming 'cause she's over tired. GAH! I am still pumping, so she is still getting breast milk, I am starting to get frustrated by it, so it may not last much longer. I really don't want to be pumping through the summer, not fun, but I'll try to keep going as long as possible. Polar Bear is back to work and may have a new job in a few weeks... I'll keep you posted on that :).

On another note, I've been missing Cole a lot these days. I see Vi growing so big and so attentive, she's looking around and interested in things, and I wonder what he would have been like. I'm sad at the idea of not having a boy. I know if I got pregnant again there would be no guarantee of a boy and it would be very stressful, so part of us is not planning on another pregnancy. That makes me sad. We have kind of decided that we will enjoy what we have, but I still feel fail in some ways. But I don't want to risk the possibility of losing another baby due to complications. I'm still upset that I couldn't have a normal pregnancy! I know there are a lot of people out there that are unable to have a normal, and what is normal anyway. But I still feel like I missed something. I've missed some of the excitement and joy of having a pregnancy and a baby. I have never been able to deliver and be able to hold my baby right away, they are always whisked away from me. I don't know if I'm dealing well with this or not. I still feel unable to discuss this with people, it's like the subject gets changed or I don't like making them uncomfortable, so I just keep it to myself. Vi was able to show us just what a healthy baby looks like and just how sick Cole was. This makes me sadder than anything, that we were unable to recognize just how sick he was. ....... yeah....

Well on a happier note. Vi is doing great, she's holding her head up and looks super cute in little dresses and outfits. I'm liking putting her in stuff other than onesies but they are still the easiest. It seems like in no time she'll be boogieing on her own. We have a photo appointment on Sunday to get her some nice pictures done :) Hopefully she'll cooperate and we'll be able to send some out to family and friends.

Well sorry for such a huge post. Hope all is well with you!!!