So I broke down and rented the third installment of Twilight. I know I know, totally lame. But I've read the books and wanted to see how they managed to do it. I still have to say that Team Jacob is cute but not my type and Team Edward is blah... I stick with my findings in the book... Team Jasper! Yup! I'm all about Jasper... and I'll even include Alice. I think Bella should dump the boys and go for Alice and Jasper instead. LOL. Or maybe we need to get rid of all three of them... add a new person all together to join team Alice and Jasper. Basicly 'cause Jacob, Edward and Bella are ALL too whiny! I have to say my favorite characters are Alice, Jasper and Charlie! Her dad rocks :) LOL.
So everything seems to be going good with baby. I haven't heard anything from the doctor about the ultrasound and I'm a strong believer in no news is good news :), so unless something changes on Monday we are good for another week. Next appointment is on the 26th.
I'm not expecting a great week next week. We are one week from when Cole would have been 1 year old. I can't help but think just how fast time flies sometimes. 2010 was probably the longest and hardest year I've ever had to face and yet it still seemed to go so fast. I'm not really sure if Beau and I are going to do anything next weekend, I don't think he really wants to do something, but who knows. I feel like we should do something. That it would be better to celebrate his birth and the time (although short) we had with him on his birthday and not on Feb 19th when he died. I'm sure the time between the 23rd of Jan and the 19th of Feb will have a few really hard days, that can't be helped, but we will try to make the best of it so that this new little bundle growing will have the best possibly experience in the next few months before our due date. In some ways I feel guilty about being pregnant at almost the same point as I was with Cole on his birth date, but I try to believe that me being able to get pregnant again so quickly and not having some of the issues I was having when pregnant with Cole is his way of protecting us and giving us his blessing. I'm not sure what I truly believe in the whole after death thing, but I know that something must be looking out for us, and I pray that whatever it is will give us a happier outcome.
So we will all be wearing our Team Jasper shirts for the next few days LOL and keep you posted on the next week.
Jan 14, 2011
Jan 12, 2011
26 weeks....
So today is 26 weeks, and I was supposed to have a barrage of stuff to do.... which didn't actually work out the way I was planning.
I had to go get blood work done, and actually still have to. The glucose test that I need to do (which is a normal test at this point in the pregnancy) requires you to drink the high sugar drink then sit in the office of the clink for and hour and then get blood taken. Sounds easy. So being I had an ultrasound scheduled today as well I figured I'd go up early and get the blood work done in the morning and then stay in Fergus till the ultrasound appointment. So I got up and took my shower, as normal, and headed up to Fergus. Now it's winter (if you haven't already realized that lol) and in Canada there's this lovely thing called SNOW.... so what should have taken me MAYBE 20 minutes to a half an hour took me more like 40 minutes. So between heating my car up, then driving to Fergus, then trying to find parking in the crappy small parking lot filled with people who couldn't drive, old people who drove REALLY slow and people parked on angles. My attempt at arriving at the clinic around 10:30ish turned into closer to 11:15. Now you think this wouldn't be a big deal. Most clinics are open till somewhere between 1pm and 3pm .... but Noooooooooooooo.... this clinic closes early 1 or 2 Wednesday's a month. Yup, and guess what, it just happened to be today. So I get into the clinic and the lady says I will have to come back tomorrow being they are closing at 12 today so I don't have enough time. And I say, Oh my doctor never said that you closed early on Wednesdays and she says, not most Wednesdays just every 2nd Wednesday in the month, which happens to be today. GAH! So now I'm stuck wandering around Zellers being my ultrasound is not until 2pm and there's no point in me driving back to Guelph just to come back to Fergus for that.
So after wandering for an hour or so, I went to McCraps and had some nuggets for lunch. During this time I drank my 3 glasses of water, did my last pee before the ultrasound (which is important for ALL pregnant women to do) then read a book for a while so that I could waist some time. The nice thing is the ultrasound tech is an awesome lady and I've had her for all of my ultrasounds so far. I got there at about 1:40 and got in fairly quickly (which rocks) and this one took a little while being we had to do more stuff than usual in order to get a correct cervix reading. So keep our fingers crosses that we don't hear from the doctor before our next appointment 'cause that means everything's good. The only thing I was concerned about was that the babies head was down but from what I have read online (yay internet) is that this can happen and that there's nothing to worry about. Some babies are head down for the whole end of your pregnancy and some will keep moving so the head could be down during the US but shift within a day or two.
So back to Fergus tomorrow for the blood work... attempt number 2 LOL :)
I had to go get blood work done, and actually still have to. The glucose test that I need to do (which is a normal test at this point in the pregnancy) requires you to drink the high sugar drink then sit in the office of the clink for and hour and then get blood taken. Sounds easy. So being I had an ultrasound scheduled today as well I figured I'd go up early and get the blood work done in the morning and then stay in Fergus till the ultrasound appointment. So I got up and took my shower, as normal, and headed up to Fergus. Now it's winter (if you haven't already realized that lol) and in Canada there's this lovely thing called SNOW.... so what should have taken me MAYBE 20 minutes to a half an hour took me more like 40 minutes. So between heating my car up, then driving to Fergus, then trying to find parking in the crappy small parking lot filled with people who couldn't drive, old people who drove REALLY slow and people parked on angles. My attempt at arriving at the clinic around 10:30ish turned into closer to 11:15. Now you think this wouldn't be a big deal. Most clinics are open till somewhere between 1pm and 3pm .... but Noooooooooooooo.... this clinic closes early 1 or 2 Wednesday's a month. Yup, and guess what, it just happened to be today. So I get into the clinic and the lady says I will have to come back tomorrow being they are closing at 12 today so I don't have enough time. And I say, Oh my doctor never said that you closed early on Wednesdays and she says, not most Wednesdays just every 2nd Wednesday in the month, which happens to be today. GAH! So now I'm stuck wandering around Zellers being my ultrasound is not until 2pm and there's no point in me driving back to Guelph just to come back to Fergus for that.
So after wandering for an hour or so, I went to McCraps and had some nuggets for lunch. During this time I drank my 3 glasses of water, did my last pee before the ultrasound (which is important for ALL pregnant women to do) then read a book for a while so that I could waist some time. The nice thing is the ultrasound tech is an awesome lady and I've had her for all of my ultrasounds so far. I got there at about 1:40 and got in fairly quickly (which rocks) and this one took a little while being we had to do more stuff than usual in order to get a correct cervix reading. So keep our fingers crosses that we don't hear from the doctor before our next appointment 'cause that means everything's good. The only thing I was concerned about was that the babies head was down but from what I have read online (yay internet) is that this can happen and that there's nothing to worry about. Some babies are head down for the whole end of your pregnancy and some will keep moving so the head could be down during the US but shift within a day or two.
So back to Fergus tomorrow for the blood work... attempt number 2 LOL :)
Jan 11, 2011
Tomorrow... Tomorrow
So I have a pretty busy day tomorrow. Have to get some blood work done for my Glucose testing in the morning, and then I have an ultrasound at 2pm. Which will be my third ultrasound and I haven't even hit the third trimester... but it's coming close. So we're trying to remain positive. 26 weeks tomorrow :)
Why is it that when one thing starts seeming ok, another thing goes to shit. Well my grandpa James had a heart attack on Monday, and it seems he's doing ok. Had to do a bunch of surgery but he seems to be pulling through (at least that's what my other family members who are around said) so that's good. I think I'm really starting to hate January and February. I'm already paranoid about things happening, and to have this happen (although so far so good) I can't help but be a bit anxious.
Polar Bear is back on Friday, and home for the next while. Not going back north for at least a few more weeks, which totally rocks. With everything going on it'll be nice to have him home again. This week and a half has been rough, I'm thankful that he's not doing trucking!
I'll let you know how everything goes tomorrow!
Why is it that when one thing starts seeming ok, another thing goes to shit. Well my grandpa James had a heart attack on Monday, and it seems he's doing ok. Had to do a bunch of surgery but he seems to be pulling through (at least that's what my other family members who are around said) so that's good. I think I'm really starting to hate January and February. I'm already paranoid about things happening, and to have this happen (although so far so good) I can't help but be a bit anxious.
Polar Bear is back on Friday, and home for the next while. Not going back north for at least a few more weeks, which totally rocks. With everything going on it'll be nice to have him home again. This week and a half has been rough, I'm thankful that he's not doing trucking!
I'll let you know how everything goes tomorrow!
Jan 10, 2011
Another Monday
It's funny, I never used to have a real problem with Monday's but the past few weeks they've been a little rough. I don't know what changed, or what altered my feeling toward Monday's but it's been with out fail that I feel down and tired and sad on most Monday's. I know part of it is my husband has been going north to Barrie from Monday to Friday, so it's my worrying and my being a little upset by him leaving. I know he'd hate to hear that I'm upset and I understand why he goes, and come Tuesday or Wednesday I feel fine about it. But I'm just not fond of Monday.
So today I haven't done much. I thought I was doing good taking a shower. This evening I am going to a friends for dinner so that should be nice. Sometimes it just helps being around other people to get rid of the Monday Woes but sometimes they get better when I'm out and come right back when I get home.
I think I do it to myself. I got up this morning feeling mostly ok, then I checked my email and my facebook. Which were both fine. But I did it again, after saying I wouldn't, I went onto the NILMDTS forums and seen how the women I've been talking to are doing. And of course, as seems to happen apx once a month, there's a new mom on the site. This is always a sad thing being the mom's on the site have all lost a baby in someway. I still feel like I'm different, it helps to talk about the loss, but most of the women there have lost due to still birth. It's insane just how many people lose their babies. I know in the grand scheme of things the percentage is not insanely high, but still... 1% or greater can equal hundreds in a year. So after not reading but noticing these sad things on the site I decided to try and cheer myself up by looking at the pregnancy calendar to see where I am and what's growing on our little one. And I really shouldn't have done this. They always talk as if the worst things that could happen are pain during labour, and whether or not to breast feed, and of all things whether or not the baby's room will be ready. Well that just makes me sad, and angry, and frustrated. No the worst thing that could happen is that the room could be ready but the baby can't ever enjoy it. I'm jaded, I know this. I'm also frustrated and sad and trying really hard to be positive that this baby, who has been kicking up a storm, will come home. That everything with Cole was a fluke, or something. But... I go back to being happy about the baby, enjoying her moving, then scared, then sad about not having Cole here, then frustrated that I can't enjoy this pregnancy as much as I would like.
So I'll try to turn my day around. I'll try attacking it in a different light. I will be thankful that most women and families can have a carefree pregnancy, where all they worry about is their Winny the Pooh Wall paper, and I'll accept that that will never be me. That I'll always worry and I'll always be scared in some part of me about this whole pregnancy, and that I won't be at ease until this little one's home and healthy and safe.
Happy Monday, hopefully the rest of the week gets brighter.
So today I haven't done much. I thought I was doing good taking a shower. This evening I am going to a friends for dinner so that should be nice. Sometimes it just helps being around other people to get rid of the Monday Woes but sometimes they get better when I'm out and come right back when I get home.
I think I do it to myself. I got up this morning feeling mostly ok, then I checked my email and my facebook. Which were both fine. But I did it again, after saying I wouldn't, I went onto the NILMDTS forums and seen how the women I've been talking to are doing. And of course, as seems to happen apx once a month, there's a new mom on the site. This is always a sad thing being the mom's on the site have all lost a baby in someway. I still feel like I'm different, it helps to talk about the loss, but most of the women there have lost due to still birth. It's insane just how many people lose their babies. I know in the grand scheme of things the percentage is not insanely high, but still... 1% or greater can equal hundreds in a year. So after not reading but noticing these sad things on the site I decided to try and cheer myself up by looking at the pregnancy calendar to see where I am and what's growing on our little one. And I really shouldn't have done this. They always talk as if the worst things that could happen are pain during labour, and whether or not to breast feed, and of all things whether or not the baby's room will be ready. Well that just makes me sad, and angry, and frustrated. No the worst thing that could happen is that the room could be ready but the baby can't ever enjoy it. I'm jaded, I know this. I'm also frustrated and sad and trying really hard to be positive that this baby, who has been kicking up a storm, will come home. That everything with Cole was a fluke, or something. But... I go back to being happy about the baby, enjoying her moving, then scared, then sad about not having Cole here, then frustrated that I can't enjoy this pregnancy as much as I would like.
So I'll try to turn my day around. I'll try attacking it in a different light. I will be thankful that most women and families can have a carefree pregnancy, where all they worry about is their Winny the Pooh Wall paper, and I'll accept that that will never be me. That I'll always worry and I'll always be scared in some part of me about this whole pregnancy, and that I won't be at ease until this little one's home and healthy and safe.
Happy Monday, hopefully the rest of the week gets brighter.
Jan 7, 2011
What Pattern!!
So I've started knitting... well mostly... I've managed to get a few rows of white done on a black and white striped scarf. I think I'll finish that before I do anything else just to make sure I have the hang of the knit and pearl thing and how to start and stop. But I have realized that unless something seems to pose a bit of a challenge that I am always reluctant to do it. So I've kinda decided to make a sweater. At least I think I've decided. But that main issue is money (as usual) but my husband thinks he'll be able to get me some stuff, I think he thinks it'll keep me busy enough so I'm not bored at home all the time.
So I've been looking at patterns on Ravelry www.ravelry.com, which TOTALLY rocks as a site. I have been looking at a bunch of sweater patterns, being I'm reluctant to do anything baby related and although I'd like to try a blanket my husband thinks I should wait for that as well. So women and dog sweater patterns are what I've been looking at. Now the thing is that I only seem to like the more difficult patters or the ones that will take quite a bit of yarn. It's kind of an "of course you will" moment. Where no matter what I look at I keep getting drawn into the most difficult stuff. Of course I can't just do a simple pattern that doesn't take much work. Of course I can't keep it easy for my first time doing something big. OF COURSE LOL!
So I'll keep looking and printing off patterns and I'll either let you know if I manage to do any of them, or if I throw in the towel and get someone to pick me an easier pattern. We will have to just wait and see.
So good luck on all you yarn crafts, and I'll keep you posted on mine!
So I've been looking at patterns on Ravelry www.ravelry.com, which TOTALLY rocks as a site. I have been looking at a bunch of sweater patterns, being I'm reluctant to do anything baby related and although I'd like to try a blanket my husband thinks I should wait for that as well. So women and dog sweater patterns are what I've been looking at. Now the thing is that I only seem to like the more difficult patters or the ones that will take quite a bit of yarn. It's kind of an "of course you will" moment. Where no matter what I look at I keep getting drawn into the most difficult stuff. Of course I can't just do a simple pattern that doesn't take much work. Of course I can't keep it easy for my first time doing something big. OF COURSE LOL!
So I'll keep looking and printing off patterns and I'll either let you know if I manage to do any of them, or if I throw in the towel and get someone to pick me an easier pattern. We will have to just wait and see.
So good luck on all you yarn crafts, and I'll keep you posted on mine!
25 Weeks... hanging in there.
Been keeping myself pretty busy this week! Polar Bear is off working with some people in Barrie so I'm home again, by myself, with my dog and room mate (who works afternoons, so I might as well be home alone).
I've had a mostly good week. I'm slowly getting nervous as the weeks get closer and closer to 29. I know this is normal for any subsequent pregnancy, especially after a loss, but it's crazy. You think you can handle something and you are doing okay, and then one day, out of nowhere you can't. Spent yesterday with a friend and her daughter and I was official 25 weeks yesterday. It was a good day, I was feeling good... but it always goes a little awry when you have an inquisitive 8 1/2 year old who keeps saying things like "I hope this baby doesn't die" and "If you ate more oranges would your other baby had been more healthy" and a million other thing that pop into kids heads. I don't mind her asking, I really don't! I'm a strong believer that if you don't talk about it, and you don't explain things to kids it makes it worst. But sometimes kids have no tact... heck most of the time they have no tact, and that's what's great about kids, but seriously. I'm already a pile of nerves, even though I hate to admit it, and to have a kid reminding you that things can go so wrong without any notice is painful at times. I think part of the issue is that we have to lie to kids to a certain extent, we have to tell them that this baby will definitely be healthy. And there really is no way to guarantee this.
I think this is my issue today. I feel like I keep reassuring others that what happened with Cole was a fluke and a rare coincidence and that this time everything will be great. Aren't I the one that others are supposed to be reassuring?? Yes the doctor said everything's looking good, we are keeping an eye on things, and I have another ultrasound next week, but seriously there is really not a lot that we can know for sure. Things like what happened, happen so quickly and without warning, they are things that even the most attentive doctors wouldn't be able to catch. I know this sounds very negative but it's the truth... WE DON"T KNOW! We won't know if everything's going to be great until the baby is born, and health, and safe and at home!
I'm wondering if I'm holding back in someways from what I should be doing with this pregnancy. My dad asked me if we are doing all the things you are supposed to do during a pregnancy, like talk to the belly and play music for it and other such things. Yes we are doing that to some extent but we are also so nervous about getting our hopes up that I think we are holding back in a lot of ways. But everything I read said that those things aren't the end of the world, they are only some ways to bond and that most of the bonding takes place after the baby is home. So I think I'm doing okay... I'm sure I could do better, but I'll keep doing what I can within reason.
I went to knit night tonight and it was great. But I was at a loss for what I wanted to make. I couldn't decide on making more toy like things or if I wanted to try something bigger. I ended up deciding on trying to do a scarf... which in someways seems pretty boring but we'll see if I manage to finish it. I talked to my husband when I had gotten home about the fact that I'm not really sure what to make. Part of me would like to make a blanket or a bunch of dolls for a mobile or baby things, and I wonder if I should. I know if I tried to make something in some ways it would be really hard, and part of me would worry that it won't actually be usable... if something should happen... and so I won't. If we lost the baby having something that I was going to make for them, or working on, would be that much more difficult, but I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something more.
Heck maybe I should have called this blog the Supposed and Not Doing issue. There are so many things I think I'm supposed to be doing in prep for this little girl, and I'm not doing any of them. I know we can get anything we need when the baby is coming home so I'm not worried about that, I'm just feeling like I'm missing something or letting people down. I know my friends would say I'm being silly but hormones and depression do weird things to people. Part of my issue is the sheer number of pregnant people I know... of course I can't be the only one pregnant... of course I have to have 2 friends who are pregnant (one close to me and one a few months after) and of course I have 2 cousins pregnant as well (one on each side of the family) so I see all the things they're doing, all the excitement, and the lack of fear and worry and anxiety, and am sad and angry and frustrated that that couldn't be me. I would never wish anything negative to them nor would I ever give up having Cole, I just feel like I'm left out. It's like being at a party and no matter how hard you try you just can't seem to be able to join in the fun. I'm at the party, I'm there with my friend and people I love and I still feel like I'm standing outside. I know this isn't true, that everyone is trying to join in but it's me who's resistant, but I can't help it. I don't think I'll ever be able to join in on the happy pregnant woman party, but it still makes me sad... it still makes me wish that sometimes I could have the naive pregnancy where I think everything is going to be great. Where nothing bad ever happens to babies. Where you don't have to worry if you are actually going to be able to bring your baby home alive and not in an urn....
Okay, I'll stop for now.... before I fall to complete pieces.
I'll end this with the lie I keep telling myself... NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN!!! Just keep swimming.... this little girl will be happy and healthy and safe and strong.... happy and healthy and safe and strong............
I've had a mostly good week. I'm slowly getting nervous as the weeks get closer and closer to 29. I know this is normal for any subsequent pregnancy, especially after a loss, but it's crazy. You think you can handle something and you are doing okay, and then one day, out of nowhere you can't. Spent yesterday with a friend and her daughter and I was official 25 weeks yesterday. It was a good day, I was feeling good... but it always goes a little awry when you have an inquisitive 8 1/2 year old who keeps saying things like "I hope this baby doesn't die" and "If you ate more oranges would your other baby had been more healthy" and a million other thing that pop into kids heads. I don't mind her asking, I really don't! I'm a strong believer that if you don't talk about it, and you don't explain things to kids it makes it worst. But sometimes kids have no tact... heck most of the time they have no tact, and that's what's great about kids, but seriously. I'm already a pile of nerves, even though I hate to admit it, and to have a kid reminding you that things can go so wrong without any notice is painful at times. I think part of the issue is that we have to lie to kids to a certain extent, we have to tell them that this baby will definitely be healthy. And there really is no way to guarantee this.
I think this is my issue today. I feel like I keep reassuring others that what happened with Cole was a fluke and a rare coincidence and that this time everything will be great. Aren't I the one that others are supposed to be reassuring?? Yes the doctor said everything's looking good, we are keeping an eye on things, and I have another ultrasound next week, but seriously there is really not a lot that we can know for sure. Things like what happened, happen so quickly and without warning, they are things that even the most attentive doctors wouldn't be able to catch. I know this sounds very negative but it's the truth... WE DON"T KNOW! We won't know if everything's going to be great until the baby is born, and health, and safe and at home!
I'm wondering if I'm holding back in someways from what I should be doing with this pregnancy. My dad asked me if we are doing all the things you are supposed to do during a pregnancy, like talk to the belly and play music for it and other such things. Yes we are doing that to some extent but we are also so nervous about getting our hopes up that I think we are holding back in a lot of ways. But everything I read said that those things aren't the end of the world, they are only some ways to bond and that most of the bonding takes place after the baby is home. So I think I'm doing okay... I'm sure I could do better, but I'll keep doing what I can within reason.
I went to knit night tonight and it was great. But I was at a loss for what I wanted to make. I couldn't decide on making more toy like things or if I wanted to try something bigger. I ended up deciding on trying to do a scarf... which in someways seems pretty boring but we'll see if I manage to finish it. I talked to my husband when I had gotten home about the fact that I'm not really sure what to make. Part of me would like to make a blanket or a bunch of dolls for a mobile or baby things, and I wonder if I should. I know if I tried to make something in some ways it would be really hard, and part of me would worry that it won't actually be usable... if something should happen... and so I won't. If we lost the baby having something that I was going to make for them, or working on, would be that much more difficult, but I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something more.
Heck maybe I should have called this blog the Supposed and Not Doing issue. There are so many things I think I'm supposed to be doing in prep for this little girl, and I'm not doing any of them. I know we can get anything we need when the baby is coming home so I'm not worried about that, I'm just feeling like I'm missing something or letting people down. I know my friends would say I'm being silly but hormones and depression do weird things to people. Part of my issue is the sheer number of pregnant people I know... of course I can't be the only one pregnant... of course I have to have 2 friends who are pregnant (one close to me and one a few months after) and of course I have 2 cousins pregnant as well (one on each side of the family) so I see all the things they're doing, all the excitement, and the lack of fear and worry and anxiety, and am sad and angry and frustrated that that couldn't be me. I would never wish anything negative to them nor would I ever give up having Cole, I just feel like I'm left out. It's like being at a party and no matter how hard you try you just can't seem to be able to join in the fun. I'm at the party, I'm there with my friend and people I love and I still feel like I'm standing outside. I know this isn't true, that everyone is trying to join in but it's me who's resistant, but I can't help it. I don't think I'll ever be able to join in on the happy pregnant woman party, but it still makes me sad... it still makes me wish that sometimes I could have the naive pregnancy where I think everything is going to be great. Where nothing bad ever happens to babies. Where you don't have to worry if you are actually going to be able to bring your baby home alive and not in an urn....
Okay, I'll stop for now.... before I fall to complete pieces.
I'll end this with the lie I keep telling myself... NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN!!! Just keep swimming.... this little girl will be happy and healthy and safe and strong.... happy and healthy and safe and strong............
Jan 3, 2011
A New Year
Welcome 2011! Good riddance 2010!
So some people are reflecting on the year past, and I am a little unwilling. This was not a good year to say the least! It was a year filled with joy and sorrow, pain and many tears. It was a year of pretending your fine even when you're not, being fine even when you feel you shouldn't and trying to be happy even when you're still in pain. I know the pain of this past year will never truly leave me. It will always be around. But hopefully at some point I will be able to look back on 2010 as the year that changed me, for even though we truly try not to change, and we say we are the same person, in all honesty we are not. We are a different person, and the pain/ sorrow/ grief/ etc will always change us, we can never fully go back to who we were and that is not a bad thing. Hopefully this growth will never injure us or cause us to loose our friend, but any true friend will understand these changes and accept that we will always be the person we were but with the addition of the person we are now.
For 2011 I have great hopes. I hope that this year will be a year of joy to counter the year of sorrow. I hope that this year will help us find stability in our jobs, our homes and our lives. I hope to share 2011 with those I love, friend and family, and those who have yet to arrive.
I will not create resolutions... I do not know what to expect for the year to come so I will not decide on anything in that capacity. Instead I will send a wish out... I wish that all those I care about will find love and happiness in whatever means that most suits them, I wish that this pregnancy will end successfully with my beautiful little girl being healthy, and both of us being able to come home and enjoy eachother's company, I wish that my love will find his new career to his liking and enjoy happiness with his family, his wife, his daughter yet to come and his dog (can't forget the dog :) ), I wish for happiness in all our endeavors yet thought of!
May your year be beautiful, happy, healthy, safe and fun, and may you all find Love and Happiness in your lives in whatever means most suits you!
So some people are reflecting on the year past, and I am a little unwilling. This was not a good year to say the least! It was a year filled with joy and sorrow, pain and many tears. It was a year of pretending your fine even when you're not, being fine even when you feel you shouldn't and trying to be happy even when you're still in pain. I know the pain of this past year will never truly leave me. It will always be around. But hopefully at some point I will be able to look back on 2010 as the year that changed me, for even though we truly try not to change, and we say we are the same person, in all honesty we are not. We are a different person, and the pain/ sorrow/ grief/ etc will always change us, we can never fully go back to who we were and that is not a bad thing. Hopefully this growth will never injure us or cause us to loose our friend, but any true friend will understand these changes and accept that we will always be the person we were but with the addition of the person we are now.
For 2011 I have great hopes. I hope that this year will be a year of joy to counter the year of sorrow. I hope that this year will help us find stability in our jobs, our homes and our lives. I hope to share 2011 with those I love, friend and family, and those who have yet to arrive.
I will not create resolutions... I do not know what to expect for the year to come so I will not decide on anything in that capacity. Instead I will send a wish out... I wish that all those I care about will find love and happiness in whatever means that most suits them, I wish that this pregnancy will end successfully with my beautiful little girl being healthy, and both of us being able to come home and enjoy eachother's company, I wish that my love will find his new career to his liking and enjoy happiness with his family, his wife, his daughter yet to come and his dog (can't forget the dog :) ), I wish for happiness in all our endeavors yet thought of!
May your year be beautiful, happy, healthy, safe and fun, and may you all find Love and Happiness in your lives in whatever means most suits you!
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