Sometimes I am grateful for good friends,
Good food,
A supportive family
... everything positive in my life.
When you go through a bad experience, a hard time, sorrow and pain, you start to realize what truly matters in life. What is important and what is not. How some things that people thought, or you thought, or whatever, were important don't really matter. That somethings matter a lot more than hair, clothes, the next guy, whatever... they matter more than jobs, and money... they matter more than stuff. Somethings are a lot more important.
One of those things are good friends, and I have been blessed. I have, over the past few months, removed from Facebook and other means of contact people who don't matter, people who were not there in my times of pain, and sorrow. And I thank and love those who were. I am a strong believer that it takes two people to make a true friendship. That it can't be only one person, or one side, that makes the friendship! That both people have to work through it from their ends and meet in the middle.
So thank you to all my friends... and thank you for dealing with my mushy post... and I hope you all find happiness in whatever form it may come to you!
Dec 2, 2010
Dec 1, 2010
So it's a...
Girl... at least 90% as the doctor said... Woot! I'm excited and now dealing with the emotional turmoil of the fact that Polar Bear already had a girl with his ex (not that we get to see her) and I failed on the boy front. I know I'm totally pathetic and creating issues. He said he's happy either way, I believe him (mostly) but I still feel responsible for the loss of our boy. I know I shouldn't, that I didn't have anything to do with the outcome, but I can't help it.
So now starts the "discussion" about names! Boy's names we have No Problem agreeing on, we both like boy's names that sound masculine. But girl's names are another cup of tea. He like's girly girl names... I don't... I like Parker... or Sam.... or something like that... he likes Isabelle, and other pretty names. We'll see how the discussion over the next 4 months (we're hoping here) goes and what we decide in the end. Knowing us, we'll pick a name and completely change our mind when the baby's born.
The doctor said everything looks good, next appointment is in 4 weeks... the 29th of Dec. I asked him about my increasing worries as the 29 week point gets closer and he said that he'll get us set up for another ultrasound at the next appointment. That means an ultrasound around 26ish weeks (about 2 weeks after the next apt) to check cervix length again, and just make sure every thing's good. So we'll see if I'll have a crazy amount of apts this time or not. He doesn't think I'll need them, but you never know.
So... for now everything's good, babies good, everyone's looking healthy... yay! Keep this positivity coming!
So now starts the "discussion" about names! Boy's names we have No Problem agreeing on, we both like boy's names that sound masculine. But girl's names are another cup of tea. He like's girly girl names... I don't... I like Parker... or Sam.... or something like that... he likes Isabelle, and other pretty names. We'll see how the discussion over the next 4 months (we're hoping here) goes and what we decide in the end. Knowing us, we'll pick a name and completely change our mind when the baby's born.
The doctor said everything looks good, next appointment is in 4 weeks... the 29th of Dec. I asked him about my increasing worries as the 29 week point gets closer and he said that he'll get us set up for another ultrasound at the next appointment. That means an ultrasound around 26ish weeks (about 2 weeks after the next apt) to check cervix length again, and just make sure every thing's good. So we'll see if I'll have a crazy amount of apts this time or not. He doesn't think I'll need them, but you never know.
So... for now everything's good, babies good, everyone's looking healthy... yay! Keep this positivity coming!
Nov 30, 2010
1 down...
Well today was the ultrasound. Other than the feeling of EXPLODING BLADDER (and those of you who've had one would understand) it went fairly well. The nurses (or whatever they are) won't tell you anything other than you look to be around the right due date (or not) and maybe show you a heart beat.
So I'm OK on due date still... we are still aiming for April 20th. The heart beat is right where it should be, and we got to see his/her little tongue and mouth making little sucking motions. At least the ultrasound puts to rest any concerns about whether the babies moving enough and stuff. So... in that way... everything is good.
Tomorrow we have our monthly doctor's apt. We are hoping that he'll have the results then for Sex... if not I'll probably have to call the office later on in the week or something. I was so nervous today before the ultrasound I had a hard time eating even... which is impressive for a pregnant woman.
Well, I'll let you know how tomorrow goes... here goes nothing :)
So I'm OK on due date still... we are still aiming for April 20th. The heart beat is right where it should be, and we got to see his/her little tongue and mouth making little sucking motions. At least the ultrasound puts to rest any concerns about whether the babies moving enough and stuff. So... in that way... everything is good.
Tomorrow we have our monthly doctor's apt. We are hoping that he'll have the results then for Sex... if not I'll probably have to call the office later on in the week or something. I was so nervous today before the ultrasound I had a hard time eating even... which is impressive for a pregnant woman.
Well, I'll let you know how tomorrow goes... here goes nothing :)
Nov 29, 2010
An Ultrasound
So it has come to that time again. 20 weeks Wednesday, and tomorrow we get to do the full ultrasound. Woot! I am excited and scared all at the same time, which in my head doesn't make sense but in my body is totally true. Going into the week I found out sad news about a friend having a miscarriage. I feel for her loss, and hope the best for her, whatever that may be.
I have become jaded.
I have become negative in the "joys of pregnancy".
I know I probably have a right to, but it's unfair to be feeling this way. I should be excited. I should be wanting to look at baby names, and baby stuff and everything. Instead I pray each night to the gods in general for a Happy, Healthy, Safe, Strong, Secure baby and pregnancy. I ask to be able to take this baby home, to be able to hold it after labour, to be able to watch it grow up! These are all things with my last pregnancy I never specified. I am being specific! Maybe that's all I need to do but I doubt it. It always seems that once I get the mechanism running something always breaks down... or maybe that's just my negativity.
I still haven't told the general populous... as in Facebook friends and other friends. If I haven't seen them in person I haven't told them (unless they are part of my closer group or family, where my parents may have told people). I know it might be weird to not want to share but it's so nerve racking to have too. Besides I dread havening to tell people of a loss... I know I should be positive, and shouldn't think that way, but I can't help it! I'm 20 weeks Wednesday... I just want this pregnancy to go amazingly! I want to last till full term. Cole was born at 29and a half weeks... so I need to last 36... that's my goal... that's safe. It's funny to think that 29 weeks is only 9 weeks away, a little over 2 months.... we want to be pregnant for 4 and I mean it FOUR more months... then we'll be to term. I hope!
No matter what is going on around me. No matter what drama is the current issue that's being faced by friends or family members. I just have a hard time caring. I try to care, I try to listen, and I try to sympathize, but it's really hard some days... Some days I need to scream to the world, "That's great but I would take that issue in a heart beat!" or "I'm having a really rough time here, can you worry about ME for a second!?!". An ultrasound should be happy... it should be an exciting time... and a little part of me is excited, and trying really hard to be excited. But I've now known so many who have gone to that ultrasound and got bad news that I'm scared. I'd say I'm a little scared, but I'm not... I'm a lot scared.
I will let you know how tomorrow goes... here's hoping for the best. Polar Bear and I are having a bet on whether it's a girl or a boy, and we are going to find out tomorrow (hopefully)... I'll let you know if I'm getting breakfast in bed! LOL :)
I have become jaded.
I have become negative in the "joys of pregnancy".
I know I probably have a right to, but it's unfair to be feeling this way. I should be excited. I should be wanting to look at baby names, and baby stuff and everything. Instead I pray each night to the gods in general for a Happy, Healthy, Safe, Strong, Secure baby and pregnancy. I ask to be able to take this baby home, to be able to hold it after labour, to be able to watch it grow up! These are all things with my last pregnancy I never specified. I am being specific! Maybe that's all I need to do but I doubt it. It always seems that once I get the mechanism running something always breaks down... or maybe that's just my negativity.
I still haven't told the general populous... as in Facebook friends and other friends. If I haven't seen them in person I haven't told them (unless they are part of my closer group or family, where my parents may have told people). I know it might be weird to not want to share but it's so nerve racking to have too. Besides I dread havening to tell people of a loss... I know I should be positive, and shouldn't think that way, but I can't help it! I'm 20 weeks Wednesday... I just want this pregnancy to go amazingly! I want to last till full term. Cole was born at 29and a half weeks... so I need to last 36... that's my goal... that's safe. It's funny to think that 29 weeks is only 9 weeks away, a little over 2 months.... we want to be pregnant for 4 and I mean it FOUR more months... then we'll be to term. I hope!
No matter what is going on around me. No matter what drama is the current issue that's being faced by friends or family members. I just have a hard time caring. I try to care, I try to listen, and I try to sympathize, but it's really hard some days... Some days I need to scream to the world, "That's great but I would take that issue in a heart beat!" or "I'm having a really rough time here, can you worry about ME for a second!?!". An ultrasound should be happy... it should be an exciting time... and a little part of me is excited, and trying really hard to be excited. But I've now known so many who have gone to that ultrasound and got bad news that I'm scared. I'd say I'm a little scared, but I'm not... I'm a lot scared.
I will let you know how tomorrow goes... here's hoping for the best. Polar Bear and I are having a bet on whether it's a girl or a boy, and we are going to find out tomorrow (hopefully)... I'll let you know if I'm getting breakfast in bed! LOL :)
Nov 26, 2010
My dog the wimp
Yup, my dog is a wimp. I have tried to break his wimpyness over the past few months, but today it has been confirmed that I have failed miserably.
On our walk today, or should I say attempt at a walk today, my dog only made it about 5 minutes away from the house. Now I know it's cold, and I've even seen some of the horrid white stuff falling from the sky this morning, but still... 5 minutes. We got across the street onto the path we normally take that goes by a park, he sniffed some trees and then started pulling back towards the house. Now my dog is a small dog so I could have forced him to keep walking, but why bother, if I would have he only would have started whining. So we made it 5 minutes out and turned around and came back home. Once he could see the house he got all excited and started jumping up and down at the end of the leash as if saying "come on, hurry up, it's cold out here". He ran up to the door, and sat all nicely, waiting for me to open the door and take off his leash, then proceeded to RUN LIKE A MAD FOOL around the house for 5 minutes. I really think he was trying to tell me that he didn't need to go for a walk, that he was quite content running around the house where it's warm.
I really think my dog thinks I was crazy for trying to make him walk in the cold. He has an aversion to any kind of crappy weather (heck you have to force him to pee in the rain) but seriously. My dog is a wimp, so be it... maybe I'll have to buy him a sweater or something. Maybe I'll become one of those dog owners who puts him in a little jacket... maybe... gah, this is like another circle of hell, the circle of small dogs in people clothes... damn it I may have to give in. Well, good luck to all you wimpy dog owners, the winter has only started!
On our walk today, or should I say attempt at a walk today, my dog only made it about 5 minutes away from the house. Now I know it's cold, and I've even seen some of the horrid white stuff falling from the sky this morning, but still... 5 minutes. We got across the street onto the path we normally take that goes by a park, he sniffed some trees and then started pulling back towards the house. Now my dog is a small dog so I could have forced him to keep walking, but why bother, if I would have he only would have started whining. So we made it 5 minutes out and turned around and came back home. Once he could see the house he got all excited and started jumping up and down at the end of the leash as if saying "come on, hurry up, it's cold out here". He ran up to the door, and sat all nicely, waiting for me to open the door and take off his leash, then proceeded to RUN LIKE A MAD FOOL around the house for 5 minutes. I really think he was trying to tell me that he didn't need to go for a walk, that he was quite content running around the house where it's warm.
I really think my dog thinks I was crazy for trying to make him walk in the cold. He has an aversion to any kind of crappy weather (heck you have to force him to pee in the rain) but seriously. My dog is a wimp, so be it... maybe I'll have to buy him a sweater or something. Maybe I'll become one of those dog owners who puts him in a little jacket... maybe... gah, this is like another circle of hell, the circle of small dogs in people clothes... damn it I may have to give in. Well, good luck to all you wimpy dog owners, the winter has only started!
Nov 25, 2010
Oh yee writing do not foil me!
I have started to brain storm and am really liking my ideas to create this story I've decided to attempt. I say attempt because I have been unable, in the past, to actually write a full fledged story. I tend to get about a third of the way through and get caught up in the traps of past writer. What I mean by that is I re-read my story and it tends to be similar enough to other stories I've read that I get discouraged and stop writing it. So I have decided to attack this story in a different means... I am actually going to plot at least some of it out. I've been sitting here for the past hour trying to sort my thoughts and ideas and see if they will be conducive to a single story. But I've hit a dilemma... and that's the BAD GUY dilemma.
Should I have a bad guy?? I know everyone will say that in most stories you need an antagonist to "fight" your main character or group of characters, but is this truly necessary?? Should I really have a bad guy or should I try something new... maybe a bunch of good characters fighting against each other for something... hmmm... that might work, or be TOTALLY LAME! I can't decide. Before I can continue my writing from where I am I need to decide on this main point and what the main scheme of the whole thing is (or at least what the main scheme for the start of the book is). It seems ridiculous for me to try and fight the tried and tested ways of writing. It's been used for generations... the them versus us thing... but what if I don't want a "them"??? What else could I use. From every book I've read there's always something that the main characters are "fighting" against, and being I'm planning on this book being within the Sci-Fi/Fantasy -ISH (as everything I tend to write is) Genera then there's usually a reason... or a person/group behind the reason that the main party is doing what it is doing. But what is that reason??? Why??? I'm tired of it always being a "bad"guy... can't there be something else???? I know some authors don't use a bad guy but an event or a job or a something... but I can't seem to figure out that something.
So I'll keep with my brain-storming... and see if we can manage to storm the castle and free the princess of thoughts in my head. Maybe once she is free then I'll be able to actually get on with this story... Woot!
Should I have a bad guy?? I know everyone will say that in most stories you need an antagonist to "fight" your main character or group of characters, but is this truly necessary?? Should I really have a bad guy or should I try something new... maybe a bunch of good characters fighting against each other for something... hmmm... that might work, or be TOTALLY LAME! I can't decide. Before I can continue my writing from where I am I need to decide on this main point and what the main scheme of the whole thing is (or at least what the main scheme for the start of the book is). It seems ridiculous for me to try and fight the tried and tested ways of writing. It's been used for generations... the them versus us thing... but what if I don't want a "them"??? What else could I use. From every book I've read there's always something that the main characters are "fighting" against, and being I'm planning on this book being within the Sci-Fi/Fantasy -ISH (as everything I tend to write is) Genera then there's usually a reason... or a person/group behind the reason that the main party is doing what it is doing. But what is that reason??? Why??? I'm tired of it always being a "bad"guy... can't there be something else???? I know some authors don't use a bad guy but an event or a job or a something... but I can't seem to figure out that something.
So I'll keep with my brain-storming... and see if we can manage to storm the castle and free the princess of thoughts in my head. Maybe once she is free then I'll be able to actually get on with this story... Woot!
Nov 24, 2010
Tis a day
So I guess it's Son's week this week... what that means is there's a massive spam (mostly by my family...aunts, uncles, etc and a few others) about how precious our sons are... BLAH BLAH BLAH! This just pisses me off. I don't really know why, but it does. I think part of it is the inner cranky depression I've hit, but I can't seem to deal with it right now. I have temporarily hidden most of my family's and a few friends walls on Facecrack so that they don't constantly pop up. I have one aunt that's the worst. I know she doesn't mean anything towards us, but it's constant... so instead of getting frustrated or cranky I decided to hide her profile, and I may not un-hide it when I fix the others next week. We'll seee...
On another note all together, I am debating on trying my hand at writing. I have a 4 page intro so far and am at the point where I need to sit my arse down and figure out my story arc and characters. I get tired of all the same cookie cutter stories... mostly those based loosely on WOW, Tolkien and other such sources. I don't want to get into an EPIC about the horrors of good vs evil, I don't know where I want to go. Part of me is thinking of throwing a geek... as in gamer geek... as in "I magic missile the dark!" (If any of you know the reference LOL) and bringing him into a real magic world and seeing if he'll survive. I know he (or she, haven't really decided) would have to survive but I have an idea on how to bring him in... YAY demon summoning! LOL... we'll see... not sure if it would work. I'll have to concept it out and get back to you.
I've noticed that every few days I talk about starting something new. Maybe this is a bad thing, maybe it's a good thing... at least it keeps me from sitting on my but doing diddly-squat! I have to work on my crochets for Christmas... they make me want to go "MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH... It's ALIVE!!! " But seriously... should I make a Cthulhu Kitty LOL.... I know someone who would love it... hmmmmmmmm.... It makes me all giggly inside! I'll let you know, after Christmas... or at least after I make them and give them out.
So the plan turns into... Crocheting and baking, during the day (also the usual Cleaning and Dog walking) and then at some point as my hands hurt from the crochet try my hand at writing some pages (or at least figuring out a story) and while doing all that continue to write on here and check my facebook and email and play Disgaea 3 when I can't handle anything during the day, and at night play WOW with my husband... hmmm how did I ever fit a full time job in there LOL. Just wait till the baby's here, it'll even get better!
So have a great day all of you who over plans your days and never actually succeeds at any of it! I will be joining your ranks soon!
On another note all together, I am debating on trying my hand at writing. I have a 4 page intro so far and am at the point where I need to sit my arse down and figure out my story arc and characters. I get tired of all the same cookie cutter stories... mostly those based loosely on WOW, Tolkien and other such sources. I don't want to get into an EPIC about the horrors of good vs evil, I don't know where I want to go. Part of me is thinking of throwing a geek... as in gamer geek... as in "I magic missile the dark!" (If any of you know the reference LOL) and bringing him into a real magic world and seeing if he'll survive. I know he (or she, haven't really decided) would have to survive but I have an idea on how to bring him in... YAY demon summoning! LOL... we'll see... not sure if it would work. I'll have to concept it out and get back to you.
I've noticed that every few days I talk about starting something new. Maybe this is a bad thing, maybe it's a good thing... at least it keeps me from sitting on my but doing diddly-squat! I have to work on my crochets for Christmas... they make me want to go "MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH... It's ALIVE!!! " But seriously... should I make a Cthulhu Kitty LOL.... I know someone who would love it... hmmmmmmmm.... It makes me all giggly inside! I'll let you know, after Christmas... or at least after I make them and give them out.
So the plan turns into... Crocheting and baking, during the day (also the usual Cleaning and Dog walking) and then at some point as my hands hurt from the crochet try my hand at writing some pages (or at least figuring out a story) and while doing all that continue to write on here and check my facebook and email and play Disgaea 3 when I can't handle anything during the day, and at night play WOW with my husband... hmmm how did I ever fit a full time job in there LOL. Just wait till the baby's here, it'll even get better!
So have a great day all of you who over plans your days and never actually succeeds at any of it! I will be joining your ranks soon!
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